Scientists at Viaagra have done it again. However, instead of firming up the old Johnny, Viaagra-Pro stiffens up the Johnny Hancock-er.
@kingofthehill #limpnoodle #firmhandshake
June 08,2019
Viaagra spokesperson, Shimane Lee, explains, "A soft-limp grip can stand between you and success in North-American business." Common names include the limp-fish, baby-grasp, and flaccid wrist. Shimane claims, "these slimy handshakes should be avoided, so that older generations don't make snap judgments of your character and career potential." Viaagra caters to the old-timer crowd, it makes strategic sense to expand our line to Viaagra-Pro (professional). The significance of a firm and robust grip should never be undervalued."
It all started as an experiment to improve hair growth. Unfortunately, our clinical trials did not produce increased follicle density, but we did notice a significant increase in "bro" like behaviours. Behaviours included "totally-crushing-it" when it came to handshakes and an increase in Spartan/Gladiator style forearm grabs.
Our formula is proprietary, but we can say that it contains undefined amounts of anabolic steroids and methamphetamines. Don't worry, it is all natural. Pop a couple Viaagra-pro and shake-shake-shake shake it off into your future career.
*Hand Crushing
*"Bro-shake" "Dillon, you son of a bitch.."
xx E.M. Munster
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